Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Being Sad....



This is going to be a sad post, so if you feel you don't want to read it, that's fine.

On February 1st, our DIL, Tammy, called to say our son, Gordon, was in the hospital in critial condition and in ICU. I started for Germany on February 6th, arriving on February 8th, to find our son in very critical condidtion. However, we were told that he would improve....but, the next day he died! Why? Well, last week we received the death certificate and found out that he passed because of Giant Cell Myocarditis. Please don't tell me, this is the Lord's will, I just do not want to hear that. Not now anyway! I am so angry, I could scream and sometimes I do! There are times I am very unpleasant to be around and there are times that Wayne is very unpleasant to be around. This is the most difficult time in our married life. We lost a baby girl at birth and now to loose our only other child. Can anyone explain why? I don't think so. But, life does go on, no matter how hard.
Tammy, is back in Germany. She has returned to her job and is trying to put her life in some kind of order. She returned because that has been home to them for the past four years and they were going to continue living there, because Gordon had gotten a job with an American Company working in Germany. However, I do look for her to return to the states sometime later this year. They had two cats, Angelica and Sally, but they are living with us until she comes back, so we now have three cats and a dog in the house. Of course, Fred our outside dog is still with us.

I'm sorry to be so depressing, but this is just not a good day.
Blessings,
Barbara

14 comments:

Irene said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Nancy said...

Barbara this is still so hard to comprehend. You and Wayne and Tammy are in my thoughts. My goodness you do not need to apologize for anything that you feel. This is such a devastating experience for all of you, I'm sure. Take good care of yourself.

Nancy said...

You know you are in my thoughts. I know what it is to lose a child and no words can take the pain away so I won't try to give any.
I am so medically challenged, I don't know what that is. If it was curable, there can be no excuse.
I feel for you and Wayne.
Love Nancy

hazel said...

Dear Barbara, I think of you most days and can not give any advice except hang in there for you will find peace again one day and the love you and Wayne have for each other will help you thru. I so wish you lived nearer to give you a hug but please email me whenever you want to. Love to you and Wayne Hazel (UK)

Charlene ♥ SC said...

I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you - I can't imagine...

Heidi said...

As my mother and I all too well know, there are no words that can make this hurt go away. There is however a good feeling that cushions the pain from the support of family and friends that love you. And we do dear Barbara! Be sure you email and rant when you feel like it especially to my mother as loosing a child is again different than loosing a sister so she can really identify and be helpful. I have always felt that I must live a fuller life for myself and Fawn. It is her birthday today by the way.

Hugs of comfort ~
Heidi

angelasweby said...

Barbara,
You know that you and Wayne are in my thoughts and my prayers every day. Now is not the time for logic, for trying to understand why. Now, as you and Wayne have both found, is the time for emotions, for working through emotions that you never knew it was possible to feel. Don't ever apologise for saying what you feel. Your friends will listen however many times you need to release these sad lonely and sometimes frightening thoughts.
You know where we are if ever ever you need to talk or rant or have a long distance hug :>)

Gordon 's life may have been cut short but he achieved more than a lot of people of his age and I know how proud you and Wayne were of him.
Angela

Carol R said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of both you and your husband, and Tammy at this sad time.

corinne said...

Hello, I'm from France, and I've just discovered your blog and the sad news. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you and your husband will found back peace in your heart one day. Camille

Terry's Crafty Fingers said...

I'm so sorry to read this Barbara. I can't even begin to imagine what you and wayne are going through. Never feel you need to apologize for your emotions. Vent and scream all you want and know that your friends are here for you. BIG gentle (((((HUGS))))) from Terry F in FL.

gaohui said...

As soon as the chilly winds Abercrombie Polos initially start to blow every year as autumn sets in; people go to their closets Abercrombie Polos and pull out their sweaters dog coats and ed hardy Hats jackets to ensure that they are comfortable as the temperature drops. Your Ed Hardy Sale dog deserves this equal treatment so when you pull out yours, do Ed Hardy Sale remember to pull out your dog's warm dog clothes as well.If the night is chilly, but Ed Hardy Swimwear not quite freezing, even something as Ed Hardy Swimwear simple as a warm dog sweater will help you to keep your dog warm.

chunxue said...

During the pandora sets sale World War II, Art Deco jewellery was
pandora earrings sale a very popular style among women. The females started pandora earrings silver wearing short dresses and cut their hair short. And buy pandora earrings such boyish style was accessorized with Art Deco jewellery. They used discount pandora earrings long dangling earrings and necklaces, multiple bracelets and bold pandora charms and beads rings.Art Deco jewellery has harshly geometric and symmetrical theme instead pandora style beads of free flowing curves and naturalistic motifs. Art Deco Jewelry pandora glass beads today displays designs that consist of arcs, circles, rectangles, squares, and pandora beads sale triangles. Bracelets, earrings, necklaces and rings are added with long lines and curves.One pandora earrings example of Art Deco jewelry is the Art Deco ring.Art Deco rings have sophisticated sparkle and bold styles. These rings are not intended for a subtle look, they are meant to be noticed. Hence, these are perfect for people with bold styles.

chunxue said...

During the pandora sets sale World War II, Art Deco jewellery was
pandora earrings sale a very popular style among women. The females started pandora earrings silver wearing short dresses and cut their hair short. And buy pandora earrings such boyish style was accessorized with Art Deco jewellery. They used discount pandora earrings long dangling earrings and necklaces, multiple bracelets and bold pandora charms and beads rings.Art Deco jewellery has harshly geometric and symmetrical theme instead pandora style beads of free flowing curves and naturalistic motifs. Art Deco Jewelry pandora glass beads today displays designs that consist of arcs, circles, rectangles, squares, and pandora beads sale triangles. Bracelets, earrings, necklaces and rings are added with long lines and curves.One pandora earrings example of Art Deco jewelry is the Art Deco ring.Art Deco rings have sophisticated sparkle and bold styles. These rings are not intended for a subtle look, they are meant to be noticed. Hence, these are perfect for people with bold styles.

Mani said...

I lost my wife 6 months ago to GCM. She was 36 and we have 3 kids. It is difficult. I can't understand how a healthy person can just disappear so quickly. We try to cope. I can't find a meaning to all this and cannot accept it. I am angry, very much.